Current mood:	calm
Entry tags:	abby, cue soliloquy, dead, illness, morbid, no feelings, police, tl;dr

41
As you may be aware, there is a viral infection called geostigma spreading in the City. Please refer to the following posts by Reno for general information:
I. Symptoms and Progression
II. Prevention and Cure

In short, geostigma is an incurable and terminal viral infection that is spread via contact. The young, the elderly, and those with poor immunological functions are in the greatest danger of infection; healthy individuals may come in contact with the virus and fail to fall ill.

If there is no While waiting for the discovery of an antiviral cure, infected individuals should seek isolation or, at the least, keep all rashes covered. Please see the second link above for further preventative precautions.


Known Infected
-Reeve Tuesti
-Anita Blake
-Kitty Pryde
-Harry Dresden
-Justin Pendleton
-Gwen Williams

If the names of the infected are known, it will be easier to quarantine the virus and prevent further horizontal transmission. If I neglect to add a name to this list or if a post concerning progress where finding a cure is found, please contact me and I will add your information to this post. Maybe it would be helpful if someone continued keeping track of who has become infected.


[Private to Abby]

Thank you for helping me with encoding entries and everything.

I have samples of tissue infected by the rash, the pus the rash emits, and a blood sample that could be tested. Maybe you can find out how the virus replicates, and if it's also present in blood (I think it is, which would mean that the virus would be capable of infecting internal organs as Reno's posts suggest, but it would be good to be sure).
 

[Private]

Should I be panicking? Should I worry about dying again? Should I drink myself unconscious to make the process of dying less painful?

Am I insane for not doing any of the above?

The first time, the fear only lasted until after the trial, and then there was nothing. Sometimes, now that I’m mostly alive again, I regret it. I think about what I could have done if none of it would have happened, or what it might have been like to have a family. I know the truth, though; none of it would have been satisfactory. I’ve thought about it a lot… how it would have been to live after Richard died, and after what we did. It wouldn’t have been living any more than this is.

I’m not worried. Not about dying. I’m more worried that the virus doesn’t die when we do, and we’ll just… revive and die again, over and over until—

I’m worried about not dying. I’ve been thinking about what it means to not exist and fearing that nonexistence without imagining the alternative… immortality. I don’t want to stay in the City for eternity, with or without this infection. It isn’t right. I should be dead, like Richard is—not here. This is unnatural.

Is it ironic that I had to talk to Death before I realized how terrifying not dying would be?

I would miss Abby, and Shilo. I’d even miss Road. Now that I really think about it, though, it would be fine if I died—permanently, I mean. They’re all alive and they’ll go home someday, and I don’t think anyone goes home with their City memories. If that’s true, I’m glad I won’t go home. If I forgot this place, and if I forgot them…

Maybe the virus degrades the body to a point where not even the City can revive it. I’ve seen corpses here that didn’t come back to life, so it’s possible. I almost hope that’s what happens. Not existing… not thinking, or worrying that someone will leave the City… I want that. It’s selfish. It’s selfish, just like suicide’s selfish. You do it for yourself. Maybe I’m selfish.

The rash hasn’t spread much visibly, although typing with my left hand is getting harder. It hurts, though—inside more than out. If it can spread to internal organs, that would make sense. The chest, the—I don’t know if it could spread to the brain. Composing my thoughts is getting progressively more difficult, but that could be a side-effect of the virus’ presence in other parts of the body. Maybe it’s not the virus and I’m going insane. I talked to Richard today—not physically, but…

A nap. That would help.  [end private]

I won’t be available in the immediate future, but I’ll check the network later.

[ooc: Yes, affected by the truth curse.  Hiatus effective immediately.  Justin is unconscious and will not reply to any further messages (sorry!).]